The Optimist Creed

i use to be one very optimistic person. couple of years back, i am a person that could see the tiniest rainbow in the largest storm cloud you can ever imagine. or the blink of the bright light in a very very dark and long tunnel. i will most probably be the last person that say.. "shit.. im dead" in any dire situation where everyone else has already begun to give up. i smile at everything, bad or good, i mourn loses of course, but always take it as a memory that helps me to become stronger.

that was before.

is it just me, or its happening to everyone that, as we get older, it is becoming more and more harder to become a optimistic person. i personally think, as we grow older, our responsibilities keep piling up. and this responsibilities takes the time away for us to actually ponder upon the positive things in life. i am finding the glass half full looks half empty more often than before. which makes me wonder sometimes, what had change? is it me becoming more mature, or me being innocent. i guess i now understand life more than before, that the once half full glass is actually just half filled, and possible be empty soon.

as a person under the health umbrella. we use the word prognosis pretty often. roughly carries the meaning of, chances of recovery. with any condition, we could generally know which direction things are going to. isn't it great when we can tell everyone, 'yeap, i can fix you, and you will feel much better'

anyway, here is a creed that i took from my aunt's page. title: the optimist creed.

Promise myself to be so strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person I meet.

To make all my friends feel like there is something in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything and make my optimism come true.

To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as I am about my own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living person I meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of myself that I have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, and too strong for fear, and to happy to permit the presence of trouble.

p/s: aunt felicia, may you be well and happy always. =)

24 hours: significant?

Q: what have you been doing the last 24 hours? and how you rate your last 24 hours?

was it good? so-so? or could be better?? to all of us, 24 hours is something we go through, over and over again. some of us realized about it, and others is too busy with life to realize that they just went past another 24 hours. If we start by looking at a fix particular time to begin our 24 hours, eg: waking up in the morning, most of us will go through a usual cycle, breakfast, uni, classes, lunch, classes, dinner etc. etc. etc. sometimes, some 24 hours will be more exciting than others, while other times, we can't wait till the next 24 hours to come.

Q: how many times have we put something away to the next 24 hours? tomorrow maybe? or later?

i must admit, i'm trying to kick the habit of putting something away to another day. reasons like, oh, "i'm too busy, too tired, too lazy, something's on etc etc" was and most probably being used over and over again. thinking back, there are many things that i put away which could be easily done in a couple of seconds. sending a friend a message in facebook, or just to say hi to a newly added friend? have you ever wonder why is it so hard for us to do so, yet we can spend endless number of minutes in just reading 'news feed' and do nothing?

anyway from the previous major natural disasters, and a short discussion from my friends triggered my brain thinking. what is the significance of my next 24 hours? generally if i ask anyone this question, they will come out with what i call 'generic' answers eg, i'll live my 24 hours as if its my last and things like that isn't it. BUT! how close are we in achieving that?

One might thing, to make my day significant, i must do something big! something amazing something that the whole worlds know and celebrate! while others think that a significant day will be maybe their, graduation day, marriage day, or maybe the birth of their children. On the other hand, some actions can make a day very significant to some too. for example, when one receive some donation to allow him to feed his family a proper dinner after weeks just on dry biscuits, or one who got a letter from his/her partner's lawyer seeking divorce, or maybe a tragedy happen to a love one. significant is just a word that meant 'of high important' and it could be a good significant day, or a bad horrific significant day.

a significant 24 hours to different people will be very different. here is a couple of examples i can think off my mind right now.

1) a student rushing for an assignment due in the next 24 hours.

2) a heart transplant patient waiting for a new heart

3) a bus driver

4) a lady that is in labour

5) a death row prisoner

6) a beggar looking for his next meal

7) a normal working admin worker

8) a car accident victim in a critical state

9) a country at the brink of a civil war

10) you.

im sure if you have a think, all of the people above will spend their next 24 hours differently, to some, every seconds count. while others, its another plain ol' 24 hours they have to get through

generally, most of us never put our day as the most significant day and ask why, most probably one would answer, 'well, its a pretty usual day for me. nothing interesting" so now, i pose you a question. WHY don't you make it significant? why not grab the moment, do something different? now, be warn i'm not saying you give up your studies and work and travel the world until you are broke as such. BUT, why not try something new? a new path that lead to work? or a new stall recently open that you wanted to try but keep using the word 'tomorrow'? how about doing something that make other people's day significant? a short letter to a long lost friend or family? put a couple of dollars to a busker or beggar? or how about just go to the near by park and spend 5 minutes enjoying the sounds of nature?

i personally think that 'Tomorrow', 'another day', 'no time', and 'maybe later' is one of the most misused words today. why not seize the day, and make the next 24 hours a more significant one? why wait anymore??

changi airport

6 weeks!

the last 6 weeks was a cocktail of feelings. to put it into a word, best thing ever in 3 years. throughout 3 years, i never understand the feeling of going home, being home and leaving home. throughout 3 years, i was never being pampered, being spoilt, and being treated like a high school kid. and for 3 years, i never had a proper holidays. this 6 weeks was spend beyond well, in which i manage to plan and did everything i insisted to do.

flying back from adelaide to penang

along the way back was filled with excitement, and the great warm feeling of home coming. the feeling of looking forward to seeing mum and dad, cousins, aunts, uncle and just the feeling of home. good food, great weather, wonderful people all atributing to the melting pot of culture in malaysia. which pretty much includes, stupid drivers, traffic jam, rude people and people jumping queue. for some reason, 3 years in adelaide has made me a much nicer person for malaysia. nevertheless, the feeling of being home is one of the greatest feeling ever. i was practically over the moon! AND i am not even home yet! i was just spending nights at penang, my home town. nevertheless, it was one of the greatest feeling ever.

penang to sandakan

HOME! to summarize up, it was in the previous 2 post. MUM! greatest person ever!! being at HOME(must emphasize) for 2 weeks, was pretty much the most relaxing time ever in 2010 and a great start for 2011. i had the whole house to myself! anyway, throughout the 2 weeks, apart from just helping mum around the house, i pretty much let mum being mum around me. i got a feeling she is enjoying her 'mum-moments' when im around. hmmm.. im missing her already >.<

Sandakan-KL-Penang

awesomely, i planed this trip myself! with my own earned money =) something that i wanted to do for a very long time but don't have the time. for this short trip. i was sincerely touch for the generosity of the people that is willing to house me for the few nights in KL. no words can describe their wonderful hearts and wonderful home. it almost makes you feel like staying there forever. KL was a great place. a city where there is no night, and no day. i will forever remember those that came to catch up with me and took me around the places. one of this trip main objectives is, i was trying to prove, malaysia isn't exactly a dangerous place like what most of the people believe. my parents wasn't that keen on me going myself to places like KL, while i personally believe in this world, not everyone on the street is bad. in fact i still believe there are kind hearted people out there. and im sure if everyone takes proper steps and precautions, every holiday trips will be a great one.

after KL, it was 2 days in penang. special thanks to cousin ado that became the main mode of my transport in her little car. penang will be so different without you there. of course, i was really grateful to my uncle and aunt that let me bunk in their house (again) for 2 days. truthfully, i kinda feel bad for doing that. its like checking in and out of their house =( which is bad... real bad >.<>

Penang -sdk

this part of the trip, i guess it kinda change how i see things a bit. during this time, news came that grand dad was very sick. it was pretty shocking to hear that because i just saw him 2 days ago. it kinda came knocking that, that time i see him might be the last time i see him (he is still going pretty well at the moment). nevertheless, it was a sense of lost, helpless and sad till the extend, it kinda help to prepare for the worst. the fact that i was not there, and only hear news from my parents make things worst. few days after, surprisingly grand dad found out he manage to won some money through his lottery numbers and that made him happy and got well straight away! talk about the benefits of lottery to mankind! how shall i describe grand dad. hmm.. put it in simple terms.. everyday is a celebration for him. days in sandakan was equally filled with excitement as well as sadness. it was a sudden realization that 'i wonder when will be the next time i set foot again in sandakan?) maybe 1 year? or 2? hopefully there will be once in a 5 years period i hope? with a heavy heart, i left sandakan, towards penang once again

Penang - adelaide

final week in malaysia! how badly i wish it could be extended. a week where i wish i could be split into 2, maybe 3 so i can spend the extremely valuable time with everyone. it is the sense that i the next time i come back.. hopefully will be for some good news and not something sad. given the previous lost of someone that i didn't really spend time much with, i wanted to spend time with everyone. there is this feeling that, celebrating CNY in penang.. and in sandakan is very different. how i wish i could be in sandakan, as well as penang at the same time. like its said above, home is always the best place. towards the end of the trip, the sense of heading back to adelaide was kinda depressing, back to work, studies, and final year~ i guess i should be excited that this would be my last year studying after 19 years of facing books, homework and exams.

throughout the 6 weeks, many have touch my heart, and i am extremely grateful to rekindle friendships that have long became stagnant. not to mention spending time with dear mum and dad, as well as dear cousin sis that insisted i should be back this trip. seeing her almost one third of my trip.. should be able to repay all the debts of the previous 3 years right? also spending time with my only grandparents left, and most of all, spending time for myself. to re-charge, and time to just relax and do nothing. im my mind, it is always friends and family that made the whole me. and in this trip i hope i could reinforce this value in myself.

to all! that has cross path with me this trip, all that provide roof for me, all, that feed me with nutritious food, spend precious time for me, and not metioning all other tiny bits, driving me around, buying me stuff, making me little figures(chicken little) and all! i thank you. thanks for being around for me, and i really really appreciate all of you. may i be given the chance in the future to repay all your kindness in the near or far future. words will never be enough to say how i feel now.

in one hour's time, i'll be airborn, leaving singapore, to the land down under. to those that are finishing up final years, lets work hard together and graduate. to those that are working.. all my very best to you, and may great opportunities come knocking on your door. and for the one, that is heading to NZ to study and begin your new chapter of life, all my best wishes to you. may the new life you are having there will be great! if not the greatest time in your life. wishing you smooth journey and may you be bless with all the great things in life!

(unedited) laptop dying soon.. >.<

goodbye malaysia, and hello adelaide

singing for the deaf.

have you ever wonder how the less capable enjoy what most of us do? for example the deaf enjoy the rhythm and base of dynamite by taio cruz without turning the base volume so loud that u can feel your heart vibrate with it? or some love songs by taylor swift?

or have you ever thought of doing something you like that would change the world? something small, but people world wide would enjoy?? thats what a year 2 teacher did. at the age of 22, she sang for the deaf. and with the help of the internet, she helped the deaf around the world to enjoy what most of us take for granted everyday.

check this link out and you will understand what i am saying =)

sign language opens music world to deaf citizens -ABC news

on a personal note: it all began when i was with someone. this special someone was deaf and have to talk through a interpreter with AUSLAN (australian sign language). i am sure, that most of us have been in a situation where we do not understand what others are saying(including where they are talking bad about you right in front of your face without u knowing it). It was a pretty awkward moment, especially they are moving their hands and arms all around them right in front of you and you don't understand a tiny bit of it. at some point. it made me felt pretty helpless, that although i am suppose to help him, but i can't understand what he's trying to say without the help of the interpreter. it made me wonder, could he enjoy the wonderful sounds of the world? now i know, there are people out there who cares =) how about you? do you care?

also posted at rushi's blogspot.

3 years..

home!

after 3 long year, i am finally back at where i grew up. gosh.. i was surprise how things have change.. just to begin with, there is an flight going to KL at 930 AT NIGHT from sandakan airport, new highways, way better roads and new houses and shops!! just spending the 1st ride from the airport back to home made me excited to go out tomorrow morning to look at how sandakan has turn into under the bright sun

the biggest difference i must say is my house... the thing is, there is nothing much new in the house.. same furniture, same chairs, same tv, table and even the same fish (which has grown way bigger than when i left it) BUT.. i kinda felt everything has shrunk.. the rack has gone shorter, table and chairs seems to be smaller, door handles are lower, even the tv is smaller. it kinda makes me felt like a giant walking in the house. well, there are scientific evidence that says we will still grow till our mid twenties, but, i don't think i would have enlarge that much in 3 years right? anyhow, it's great to be back

of course, getting home is the great, but not exactly the best part. the best part is, MUM actually CLEAN MY ROOM FOR ME!!! WITHOUT ASKING ME FOR HELP!!!! after traveling for the whole day, once we reach home, mum being mum, pretty much stuff me with food and milo, then she went up and wipe my room with being abandon for about 1 years, change the bed sheet which being abandon for about 1 year... and when went up to my room planing to change the sheets... to my utter supprise.. everything is clean and dust free!!! *awwwww* i don't usually do this much.. but, MUM, ur the best!!! =) *sniff sniff* now i feel so bad.. for not helping her T.T

*sniff* anyway.. *sniff*

the journey back to malaysia this time has brought a new meaning of life. for the 1st time in 3 years, i was looking forward to be home. for the 1st time in 3 years i am excited to board the plane to get home, and in 3 years... i actually reach home. arriving back to my home town, visiting many relatives, and of course in an attempt to put on weight (which had failed) made me realize what 3 years can do. the frail became more frail, those that was fit and healthy 3 years ago is no longer that state. those that were just babies are now all big and grown up, and those that are non existent 3 years ago is now such a adorable baby (isabella, you really adorable ^^) in 3 years, the whole world back home has change. i wonder what other new changes have occur that yet to be discover tomorrow.

dear grandma is.. in a better way of describing, being cute.. due to her condition, she would repeat and repeat the same question, and of course, i would answer them. and sometimes the things you say, to be in all seriousness, its pretty funny.. and cute. not that i am making fun of things here, but your concern and selflessness in this situation just make things lights up. in fact, it is a good way to practice my dialect with you grandma =) while grandpa, is getting weaker but, still going pretty good for his age. i will be looking forward to see both of you during the chinese new year =)

2 months! that all i have to be back home.. it seems to be pretty long.. but at this very moment.. i have a feeling i am going to leave this place i call home with a really really very heavy heart....

THANKS MUM!! YOU ARE THE GREATEST!!! =) =) =) *sniff*

currently listening to: dynamite by taio cruz

its been ages since i last updated my blog site. can't even remember what was my last post and heaps that happen since the last post which when i check was... in.... may

recent updates: just completed my yearly customary camp. a 3 days 2 nights camp, which i was the president =) joining and organizing this camp always reminded me of all the camps i 1st join since primary school till this very day. and i have a feeling this will be my last camp, at lease for my studying life. and i didn't expect in this last final camp, i would be the camp president. which was pretty cool, apart from all the work and organizing and all. i guess like from every camp, i would try and learn and reflect from it after the camp to hopefully improve myself to be a better person. and the reflecting one should hopefully be in the next post.

apart from that: this year isn't a real smooth sailing for me in regarding of dealing with human relationships. is it really that hard to understand me? i use to think im a very very simple minded person with very little needs. need an out of body experience to look at myself soon.. any suggestions? magic mushrooms anyone?? or maybe some speed? =P many people say people come and go from your life, and i guess it does really happen to everyone. maybe im not offering enough, or my offers are not good enough or maybe im just not good enough.. recovering from it takes way longer than i expected. still recovering from it thou, but i guess i will make it.

Uni life!! uni is a blessing and curse at a same time.. with assignments pilling up but learning new things everyday, i wonder, how long i need to stay in this unstable psychological state of mind. going to push the body to new limits for myself soon! i am going to make it!! woohoo~~ as for working, working 2 part time jobs are now almost like a routine for me, which is good in some ways i guess. good to know that i could balance my time better than before now.

Blogging.. there is this stupid pesky comment generator trying to advertise their stupid sliming pills, penis enlarger, escort services and all the other crap that i don't need bugging this site.. how the hell can i stop them? they are getting more and more irritating.. any ideas anyone??

anything else?? i guess not. updates complete.

stage director

"wenqi, come join us in cultural concert committee please"

"no. i don't want to because i think i can't commit to this. but i promise i will help you guys out"

approximately 10 months ago, the idea of organizing a concert was born. personally, i have full doubt and the only thing i was thinking is, this is suicide! Why are you guys doing this? Just because someone say we should do one, doesn't mean we have to! nevertheless, we all hang in there, with uncertainty at the back of our mind"

"Yes! at last the script is done"

meeting in the library, 4 of us, sit together and fix the script, how the play runs and all. the themes, the lights, curtains, props and all. at the back of my mind, i kept thinking, are we sure we are doing this? but what is started must be finish, i hang on. from this point in time, everyone has started their parts. getting the materials, costumes, getting the dances and all. meetings after meetings, calls after calls. at this point in time, i told myself, its alright, just do what you can, and leave the rest to the others.. trust them, like you trust yourself.

"alright.. here what i think is, a shadow scene.. and here.. is a good vs evil scene... so its a red and white lighting"

"wow, alright, sounds good"

imagining it in my head, the stage and all, i throw my imagination drama to everyone. with ideas bouncing back n forth, arguments get heated up, complains goes all the way i'm surprise that we all still stick together. looking back at everything, it seems like most of my ideas are put into the final product, making it almost my own play.

"sigh"

"hahaha, its alright wenqi, don't worry too much about it"

every weekend right down in the back of the building, in the confined space, we held our practice rounds, one getting better than another, improvements happens, changes made, tempered flared, disappointments shown. again and again we go through everything with every possible methods tried. warm up sessions, briefings and never ending explanation. every practice, we counted the days, to the big event. the concert.

"okay, next week we will be at the hall"

1st rehearsal was good and bad in some ways. our flaws of practice shown brighter than the sun on a summer day and disappointment again swept through everyone. changes and planing were made again and again, non which able to solve the problem. we did what we can on that day, with plans and action to fix the problems arise on the day. we needed a leader. a person that was able to call the shots.. and we needed one fast.

"how was today's rehearsal?"

"i also don't know what to say"

on the night before the day, right after work, final preparation were done. some involve a lot of deep thoughts. at this night, there are many questions arise. questioning my effort towards the concert, the big day. whether the things i did was good enough. whether things i did was right? this was the turning point, when a friend decided to reminded me "its not a good time blaming now, better focus on ur ideas".

"today i am going to be selfish"

today is one of the days i do not want to repeat ever again throughout the rest of my life. it is not the proudest moment in my life.. that 15 minutes of it was in fact, not something i like to do. nevertheless what's done was done. in my heart, i ask... what have i done? you are nobody here! you have no rights to do that and its a disgrace of myself doing what i have just done. thinking back of that, i shouldn't have took that method in which i regretted it much.

"you are the stage director, you have to call it!"

i cursed as that phrase rang in mind over and over again. not me i said, not me! i am not the director! i am nobody! i told myself silently. it hit right hard enough to awaken me to the things i am in. being a guy that had no fix positions suddenly being thrown into a high position overnight, it is not a pleasant thing to do. making calls with minimal time of thinking, no time to consult others, under the pressure of different parties, i doubt myself whether i could make it out of the hall alive.

"tonight is the night. the stage is all yours"

as the night proceed, i was shocked again and again with awe and amazement. till a point i myself wondered, whether i was watching a group of youth performing or a group of professional actors and actress on stage having their best time in their life. it was beyond words to describe everything. at the very end, it was a success.

"thank you!"

proud through out? yea a little. regrets through out? yes. plenty. regretted that i couldn't deliver what i said i could. i regretted things i said has brought up conflicts. regretted things i've done had cause strain in relationships among people. and the thing i most regretted is i wasn't able to get to know everyone in the group. it is uncalled for.