changes

sigh... outdated is my name now.. haha.. seems that i am basically lost touch of the world of people out there.. busy taking care of myself and all myself.. this holiday got wack by a few unexpected news which i never had a hint it happen before till some idiot person tell me... which makes me.. well half feeling bad and the other.. speechless.. life now seems blur n gloomy.. not much vision ahead which makes making decision hard.. and by making a decision now might get a hard whack and everything goes back to square 1... i don't really like the position of life now.. but life goes on as usuall and time waits for no1....

trying to keep in touch is a very hard job.. is not like u can see everyone everyday... but then if u put the effort in to pull every1 togehter.. but will there any1 care?? will any1 knwo that u want to see them jus to keep every1 toghther and not let time swallow up the times we all had before and as if i never know u before?? its sad that in this short holiday i am in sdk didn manage to see the people i see... do the things we said we wanna do be4.. i guess its just hard to get every1 around... argh.. how i wish my both best frens(which i hope still is) is here... lots to scream..

tomorrow will be living to my hometown for a holiday which i was looking forward to do so for the past whole year.... didn know what got me that makes me miss my hometown this much.. never happen in my 16 years of natural years... mayb its just that the feeling of home and the feeling of being belong to makes the whole lot of difference... miss the food, miss my cousins, miss ny aunts and uncles, miss my grandparents, and a whole lots more... well time has change and life is short... just hope to cherish all every single minute there... 2 weeks is short.. but will provide a long enough memory to last for the whole year.... hope it works this way as i hope it would....

now that i realise.. i have change.. and i think i change in a numbers of places.. no more being the caring 1.. no more wanting to know other peoples stuff.... no more sharing those special moments with people around me... a good change?? maybe not.. maybe u can just say that i am now more self and not open.. mayb i am out spoken but in the inner me... there are lots more to shout, scream, share, etc. etc.. jus that i realise when some1 jus tell me a huge news or a big secret, i dont care and i dont want to know!! i even nearly curse that person for telling me the secret... i dont know what happen but i just dont want to know... wasn't the last me as far as i can remember... but who cares?? i guess the answer no1... well... its jus me in the huge gigantic world of people.... till then....

sigh.. holidays started n o coz.. when holz come.. the boredom comes as well.. rotting pretty well back at home.. painted 50% of the house and thats all i did this holz.. SIGH SOMETHING IS FREAKING WRONG WITH ME HERE!!!

anyway wanted very much to meet both of my best friends.. which is both also not in reachiign distance... sad case.. anyway a call will do.. haha.. lots to share.. lots to talk lots to ask and lots to answer... somehow.. not really missing KK much now.. mayb KK has given me a 'not-so-nice' impresion.. should hav gone further.. nobody there for me to miss... funny.. spend the whole year there and no big impression made... i wonder weather the same feeling of going away next year will be there when i leave KK when i graduate next year... wonder i want that feeling..

holz sucks in the sense that lots of stuff went wrong. got some big news.. got stuff i didn wan to hear, got hear sound i didn wan to listen.. sad.. bad year for me thou.. lots of plans need to be done plan-b way and never plan-a. which means most of my plans never work. sigh. mayb i need to change planing skills..

usually this year of the time.. i will be very free... no worries.. rotting away with my rust collection and my mushroom plantation. this year.. i need to be ready to answer questions like.. "wha.. where r u going next year??" or "what u want to study" or statements like "wha.. study medicine arr?? very good arr.. where u want to go?? go Aus or america?? there good.. here good.. this good... that good....

now i dont really have the feeling to blog much now. just lost the blogging touch.. nah.. jus that didn want to share so much info now.. not to those out there that make me mad.. dislike u.. but i guess.. let time heal the prob... sigh...