the scales

try making up a simple scale, with 2 ends and a fulcrum right in the middle, put weights at both ends and make it balance. simple? alright, making the same device, but changing the 2 ends to a 3 ended scale. putting a 'Y' shape object with 3 same length arms, and make it balance, pretty simple too right? how bout making it 4?? a '+' shape objects with 4 arms, balance it on a fulcrum and making sure its flat. still a simple task right? now.. if we increase the number of arms till its a shape of a flat circle, like a dinner plate as an example. putting the middle of the dinner plate on a nail, balancing it, then try putting food all around the surface of the plate and balance it, making sure its flat so that the sauce of the food won't spill over, how easy is that?? pretty hard huh?

i remember once, a maths lecturer of mine is giving one of his 'life-101' lecture right in the middle of his maths class which makes me wonder till now and i quote, "you learn all this things [maths equations and all] is to learn how to balance in life" of everything he taught me, that's the only thing that sits in my head. learning how to balance in life is a pretty difficult task to do. there are no books, laws, research papers, or anything that could be taken as a guide or to help u to perform this.

back to the dinner plate scale we have there, you are going to put your food on it, balancing it on the nail, carefully placed, you will have a balance plate, with all the food you could have on top. you might put the biggest and heaviest food in the middle and the lightest at the side to keep the plate balance. then you could enjoy a decent peaceful dinner. you might need to move the food a little around to keep the balance, but yes, dinner will be still pleasant and enjoyable. theoretically, by the law of physics and all, its something that could be done with careful calculations of weight, and distance from the axis. but doing it in real life, there are things like, gravity, wind, vibrations and all those variables which could cause the plate to topple over. once that happens, your dinner will be on the floor, you might break your plate, and might even burn yourself with the hot food. whats worst, you might just spoil the night having dinner with your friends, or maybe even injured yourself from the hot food or broken glass.

now that everyone has a good picture of that, change the plate into 'LIFE' and the food into "COMMITMENTS', and there you are right in the middle of the plate. balancing your life with the commitments above making sure it doesn't fall down, you will most probably put the heaviest commitments right in the middle of the plate, and all the lesser ones further and further away from the middle, with the lightest the furthest away at the edge. balancing them all around. once u acquire balance, you will put in effort to maintain them. theoretically, you could divide your time, manage your money and manage your commitments. at times your plate might tilt and the ones on the edge might fall off, but at the end you still could maintain the balance of your plate. BUT, what if, people keep handing you more and more food, so much so that u couldn't finish them. you keep stacking and stacking the food on the plate. then you start throwing away the little food on the sides on your plate go give space to bigger heavier food. be reminded that the plate is still on a nail. at one point, the plate for sure its going to topple and fall. which is exactly the same in life. when one gets too much commitments, their life will go off balance. in life, we tend to pay more attention on bigger commitments, and leave the smaller and less important ones a side.

So, you might say, "all right, i've decided not to take dinner, therefore my plate will be empty!!that will solve all problems right?" you could for a meal or two, but won't you starve to death that way? by not eating any food, you could enjoy the dinner with an empty plate having to problems balancing it on the nail, but, how long could you survive without food? 1 day?? 1 week?? could you go 1 year? food in this picture is essential in survival. there is no such thing as a life without commitments. but, like above, theoretically, it could be balance with all the food above. but how about all the un-accountable variables in life?? people keep putting more and more commitments into you that you couldn't have a balance life anymore. and to mealy keeping the balance, you kick off all the smaller less important commitments like, replying an email to an old friend or chatting with the course mate you once close with.

as commitments increase so much so that your life loses balance and topple down. sometimes your life might not break and you will have a life to pick up. others might have a bad fall, breaking their life into pieces. their friends might think he's no good anymore and leave, leaving him alone, without a life. as he pick his broken pieces back, he might hurt himself, he could have move on, getting a new life, starting all over again, but how many people out there could do that?

sometimes people around you just don't understand how much food you could take, and the effort in keeping your plate balance. they keep putting food on your plate, throwing everything off, and when you tell them that you could not handle any more, they give might use hurtful words in responds. they couldn't have taught how hard to for you to keep the balance, as they aren't the one balancing them, they might think another piece of small cake won't do any harm, but in fact that small piece of cake might be the last straw that breaks the camel's back. you could have spend so much time and effort balancing life as well as you could, by being fair to everyone, and all your commitments, yet, some others might just not see that. to them, accepting their given food is a must.

life is never balance you could say, yet, at lease try to make it as balance as possible, try not to drop too many commitments, throw away those that's taste bad, and keep the most important ones closes to you. some commitments are never worth to be kept on the plate in the 1st place. while others could be eaten quickly. and if you really had too much, maybe you could ask your friend whether they could share the dinner with you. that will then help you keep your balance in place. at the end balancing all of them on the plate, and hopefully, all of us could enjoy a decent dinner.

in loving memories.

its already been a very long while since the last time we had a good conversation, or had a meal together, or even walk around together. its been a very, very long while you drove me around, or cook a meal. its already more than i year since i last saw you, last spoke to you, and last hear you speak.

you are always a good cook. every dish coming out of your kitchen is one of the few best food i ever had. if i'm not wrong, you taught us how to make our 1st layer cake, how to make kaya, and many more. that was many many years ago. other than that, your 'bread-banana' thing.. can't find a substitute to it. i have always had a good time in your kitchen trying to help you out and having fun with all your kitchen equipments.. every year when i get back, i will always be looking forward to your cooked meals.

i miss the times i take a ride in your red little car, with my brother and my cousins. you always try to entertain us by calling us to count stuff on the way... like how many red cars, or flower pots along the road and all. i remembered we all go excited and start counting.. and we happily tell you how many we got at the end of trip.. and also you telling us about the place. u like to take us to eat the best food around the place, hunting down the meat ball noodles, best mee goreng stall and many more all over the island. u also took us to markets to get your groceries.. and also shop at supermarkets, telling us which brand to get, and which not to.

i remember every year, you get my brother's and my measurements, and every end of the year, we will have new PJ's, and they comes in sets!!! you always make them bigger so that i could grow into it. till now, i still have them with me. i think its almost 10 years now. i even brought 2 of them over to adelaide with me. not only that, i still remember you made my brother and i a pillow and a bolster each, we use to 'fight' with them a lot, till they went soft... i think the pillow is still at home. i managed to save it from being thrown away... i still remember the times, i hover around you and your sewing machine, watching you turn cloth in to clothes. i remember when ever i had some missing buttons or broken zip, you could always fix them. i remember you putting all the spare buttons in the film container in your sewing table. and i love pouring them out and have a look. i remembered u also taught us how to sew, with needle and thread. and also u always challenge us to put the thread into the needle. at times i remembered u get one of us, to put the thread into your sewing machine's needle as you couldn't see properly.

i remember when ever you hear one of us is sick, or unwell, you will tell us what to do. what medications to take. and i'm pretty sure, you will boil good soup for us. i remembered u made one of the best porridge with chicken and vegetables. i could remember my brother asking my mum why can't he get the same nice porridge when he is sick while grandma isn't there. you will get herbs to boil soup to help us 'cool' down. you also teach us on what the types of herbs which are good for the appropriate body parts. and i remembered u always get pre-pack herbs for us to bring back to be boiled into soup. when i was young, i almost believe that you could cure all kinds of sickness. and also your, 'magic oil'. the herbal 'oil' that could cure almost anything, from cuts, burns, to tummy ache. i always love the smell of that 'oil'. yet, when you are sick, i haven't been doing anything much.

i remember the days i spend at your house, they are the earliest mornings that i could automatically wake up extremely early without help. and i will spend the mornings watching video tapes in the living room. you will always make me drink a cup of water the 1st thing after i wake up. i remember once you gave me an extremely bitter drink, and you told me its something i love to drink. what a shock u gave me that morning!! u taught me to drink the mixture of teh and kopi O mix, eating cream cracker with butter, jam, or condense milk. i really like the house you have in mutiara court. i always miss the smell there. i am always excited to go to your house. the times my brother and i race to your door, climb up the metal screen door to press the doorbell numerous times and shout for your name on top of our lungs.. and you will answer... "coming!!!" we always do that even our mum or someone else have the keys to your house for the fun on it.

your house has many memories in me. the times i play hide and seek with my cousins, jump around the bed with my brother, made a 'mattress-fort' with all the mattress and pillows. the times where almost the whole family, aunts, uncles and cousins pack together and sleep in the living room on the floor and many many more. i remembered that in your house, i found the love of jigsaw puzzles, and in your house, is where my brother and i completed our 1st 1000 pieces jigsaw puzzle. then you encourage us to frame the picture up. in your house too, you, my brother, and i and sometimes cousins, join together to watch series, where you will explain to us whats happening in the drama.

every chinese new year, i will be expecting a big parcel send by you with all the new year goodies in it. chinese love letters, kuih bangkit, almond cookies, and many more. its sometimes hard to imagine how you could send so many things from the the west end of the country to the east end of the country. your chinese new year goodies always makes me feel special as there isn't other houses having the same new year goodies as us. and every birthday, u will give us a red packet, and also call us to wish us 'happy birthday'. thou i wasn't very appreciative when i was younger, i wish to hear that this year... but that most probably now only a wish. although throughout my childhood, i only visit you about 3 weeks every year, my growth is always being updated to you from my mum from your phone calls. i still remember, you will call quite frequently, almost once every month without fail.

recent years, you haven't been able to do much of those already. few days ago, you left us, and today, you officially left the physical world. its sad that i couldn't be there one last time, and i always thought i could see u again next year. yet, even thou i'm far and away, i'm sure you will always be around. i know you are in a better place now. i will go back and visit you for sure. i hope you are better there. you have gave me endless memories and for sure, you will be always remembered. in loving memories to my dearest porpor...