life: the unpredictables

for the past year, i can't recall the previous time that i have deep thoughts of my past. the good ol' memories in the past, that brought good times and bad. i in fact have totally forgotten about the things i have done in the previous 2 years. is life too busy for me?? or did i take up too many commitments that i have to give up my past? many says that past is a very important part of the future. yet me forgetting the past, not able to remember the present clearly, i guess my future is doom??

throughout this year, there has been many life changing events, many of them is on a personal level. yet, this changes had largely impact on how i run my life now. more study and work commitments means a huge cut down on social outings. unpredicted events leads to reduce funding to relax and leisure activities. and whats more, balancing between everything takes effect to mental and physical health. these changes happened so fast that even me myself have to move and catch up with them. given the current situation as well as the snap decisions i made, hopefully they are all right, or at lease minimal damage is done for the future.

on a personal level, i am tired, not the kind of tired that a 12 hour sleep will cure. im wide awake, brain fully functional and all. but tired as there is this pile of stuff (a.k.a. life) that keeps getting higher and higher, with no end in sight, waiting for me to go through and put away. some say we suffer because we are attached to something, but can we not attached to life?? i sometimes does envy those that has better life than me, less to worry less to do.. but then, i came across something that made me take my words back.

"Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about." regina brett

i some how forgotten what people do during holidays. what they do to relax and forget everything. somehow i think my 'enjoyment' now is different from the rest of the world. not that im unhappy or some sort, in fact i don't think i even have the time to complain about things that gone bad throughout the day. its either i be patient and wait for the day to end and i will start over tomorrow, or i will just deal with it, and move on to the next thing on the 'to-do-list'. after all complaining doesn't do me any good. i keep telling myself i need a break, i need to go for a holidays and all, but things tend to change and plans dump into the bin. is my planing skills that bad?? i guess i have to find methods to cut the ropes and chains that tie me down.

there are so many questions left unanswered now. but given the current condition now, its either its not important, not urgent or i just don't have the time to go find the answers, maybe this questions will one day haunt me and take me down, but fingers cross, the answers will soon appear. i guess i really need a 'lonely planet' guide book to life. anyone saw the signboard that points to the direction of my life?? anyone saw it?? anyone???

i guess i will stop complaining now, after all im not a fan of complaining, in fact i don't get the point on complaining. oh well, one last quote from regina brett, If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back