3 years..

home!

after 3 long year, i am finally back at where i grew up. gosh.. i was surprise how things have change.. just to begin with, there is an flight going to KL at 930 AT NIGHT from sandakan airport, new highways, way better roads and new houses and shops!! just spending the 1st ride from the airport back to home made me excited to go out tomorrow morning to look at how sandakan has turn into under the bright sun

the biggest difference i must say is my house... the thing is, there is nothing much new in the house.. same furniture, same chairs, same tv, table and even the same fish (which has grown way bigger than when i left it) BUT.. i kinda felt everything has shrunk.. the rack has gone shorter, table and chairs seems to be smaller, door handles are lower, even the tv is smaller. it kinda makes me felt like a giant walking in the house. well, there are scientific evidence that says we will still grow till our mid twenties, but, i don't think i would have enlarge that much in 3 years right? anyhow, it's great to be back

of course, getting home is the great, but not exactly the best part. the best part is, MUM actually CLEAN MY ROOM FOR ME!!! WITHOUT ASKING ME FOR HELP!!!! after traveling for the whole day, once we reach home, mum being mum, pretty much stuff me with food and milo, then she went up and wipe my room with being abandon for about 1 years, change the bed sheet which being abandon for about 1 year... and when went up to my room planing to change the sheets... to my utter supprise.. everything is clean and dust free!!! *awwwww* i don't usually do this much.. but, MUM, ur the best!!! =) *sniff sniff* now i feel so bad.. for not helping her T.T

*sniff* anyway.. *sniff*

the journey back to malaysia this time has brought a new meaning of life. for the 1st time in 3 years, i was looking forward to be home. for the 1st time in 3 years i am excited to board the plane to get home, and in 3 years... i actually reach home. arriving back to my home town, visiting many relatives, and of course in an attempt to put on weight (which had failed) made me realize what 3 years can do. the frail became more frail, those that was fit and healthy 3 years ago is no longer that state. those that were just babies are now all big and grown up, and those that are non existent 3 years ago is now such a adorable baby (isabella, you really adorable ^^) in 3 years, the whole world back home has change. i wonder what other new changes have occur that yet to be discover tomorrow.

dear grandma is.. in a better way of describing, being cute.. due to her condition, she would repeat and repeat the same question, and of course, i would answer them. and sometimes the things you say, to be in all seriousness, its pretty funny.. and cute. not that i am making fun of things here, but your concern and selflessness in this situation just make things lights up. in fact, it is a good way to practice my dialect with you grandma =) while grandpa, is getting weaker but, still going pretty good for his age. i will be looking forward to see both of you during the chinese new year =)

2 months! that all i have to be back home.. it seems to be pretty long.. but at this very moment.. i have a feeling i am going to leave this place i call home with a really really very heavy heart....

THANKS MUM!! YOU ARE THE GREATEST!!! =) =) =) *sniff*

currently listening to: dynamite by taio cruz

its been ages since i last updated my blog site. can't even remember what was my last post and heaps that happen since the last post which when i check was... in.... may

recent updates: just completed my yearly customary camp. a 3 days 2 nights camp, which i was the president =) joining and organizing this camp always reminded me of all the camps i 1st join since primary school till this very day. and i have a feeling this will be my last camp, at lease for my studying life. and i didn't expect in this last final camp, i would be the camp president. which was pretty cool, apart from all the work and organizing and all. i guess like from every camp, i would try and learn and reflect from it after the camp to hopefully improve myself to be a better person. and the reflecting one should hopefully be in the next post.

apart from that: this year isn't a real smooth sailing for me in regarding of dealing with human relationships. is it really that hard to understand me? i use to think im a very very simple minded person with very little needs. need an out of body experience to look at myself soon.. any suggestions? magic mushrooms anyone?? or maybe some speed? =P many people say people come and go from your life, and i guess it does really happen to everyone. maybe im not offering enough, or my offers are not good enough or maybe im just not good enough.. recovering from it takes way longer than i expected. still recovering from it thou, but i guess i will make it.

Uni life!! uni is a blessing and curse at a same time.. with assignments pilling up but learning new things everyday, i wonder, how long i need to stay in this unstable psychological state of mind. going to push the body to new limits for myself soon! i am going to make it!! woohoo~~ as for working, working 2 part time jobs are now almost like a routine for me, which is good in some ways i guess. good to know that i could balance my time better than before now.

Blogging.. there is this stupid pesky comment generator trying to advertise their stupid sliming pills, penis enlarger, escort services and all the other crap that i don't need bugging this site.. how the hell can i stop them? they are getting more and more irritating.. any ideas anyone??

anything else?? i guess not. updates complete.

stage director

"wenqi, come join us in cultural concert committee please"

"no. i don't want to because i think i can't commit to this. but i promise i will help you guys out"

approximately 10 months ago, the idea of organizing a concert was born. personally, i have full doubt and the only thing i was thinking is, this is suicide! Why are you guys doing this? Just because someone say we should do one, doesn't mean we have to! nevertheless, we all hang in there, with uncertainty at the back of our mind"

"Yes! at last the script is done"

meeting in the library, 4 of us, sit together and fix the script, how the play runs and all. the themes, the lights, curtains, props and all. at the back of my mind, i kept thinking, are we sure we are doing this? but what is started must be finish, i hang on. from this point in time, everyone has started their parts. getting the materials, costumes, getting the dances and all. meetings after meetings, calls after calls. at this point in time, i told myself, its alright, just do what you can, and leave the rest to the others.. trust them, like you trust yourself.

"alright.. here what i think is, a shadow scene.. and here.. is a good vs evil scene... so its a red and white lighting"

"wow, alright, sounds good"

imagining it in my head, the stage and all, i throw my imagination drama to everyone. with ideas bouncing back n forth, arguments get heated up, complains goes all the way i'm surprise that we all still stick together. looking back at everything, it seems like most of my ideas are put into the final product, making it almost my own play.

"sigh"

"hahaha, its alright wenqi, don't worry too much about it"

every weekend right down in the back of the building, in the confined space, we held our practice rounds, one getting better than another, improvements happens, changes made, tempered flared, disappointments shown. again and again we go through everything with every possible methods tried. warm up sessions, briefings and never ending explanation. every practice, we counted the days, to the big event. the concert.

"okay, next week we will be at the hall"

1st rehearsal was good and bad in some ways. our flaws of practice shown brighter than the sun on a summer day and disappointment again swept through everyone. changes and planing were made again and again, non which able to solve the problem. we did what we can on that day, with plans and action to fix the problems arise on the day. we needed a leader. a person that was able to call the shots.. and we needed one fast.

"how was today's rehearsal?"

"i also don't know what to say"

on the night before the day, right after work, final preparation were done. some involve a lot of deep thoughts. at this night, there are many questions arise. questioning my effort towards the concert, the big day. whether the things i did was good enough. whether things i did was right? this was the turning point, when a friend decided to reminded me "its not a good time blaming now, better focus on ur ideas".

"today i am going to be selfish"

today is one of the days i do not want to repeat ever again throughout the rest of my life. it is not the proudest moment in my life.. that 15 minutes of it was in fact, not something i like to do. nevertheless what's done was done. in my heart, i ask... what have i done? you are nobody here! you have no rights to do that and its a disgrace of myself doing what i have just done. thinking back of that, i shouldn't have took that method in which i regretted it much.

"you are the stage director, you have to call it!"

i cursed as that phrase rang in mind over and over again. not me i said, not me! i am not the director! i am nobody! i told myself silently. it hit right hard enough to awaken me to the things i am in. being a guy that had no fix positions suddenly being thrown into a high position overnight, it is not a pleasant thing to do. making calls with minimal time of thinking, no time to consult others, under the pressure of different parties, i doubt myself whether i could make it out of the hall alive.

"tonight is the night. the stage is all yours"

as the night proceed, i was shocked again and again with awe and amazement. till a point i myself wondered, whether i was watching a group of youth performing or a group of professional actors and actress on stage having their best time in their life. it was beyond words to describe everything. at the very end, it was a success.

"thank you!"

proud through out? yea a little. regrets through out? yes. plenty. regretted that i couldn't deliver what i said i could. i regretted things i said has brought up conflicts. regretted things i've done had cause strain in relationships among people. and the thing i most regretted is i wasn't able to get to know everyone in the group. it is uncalled for.

thoughts

"holding onto anger is like grasping hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else: you are the one who gets burn" -buddha-

i need to get this out somewhere. seriously do.

i personally am never a person that use this 4 letter word h-a-t-e. i never like my friends use it either. i find this word is a word that carries great power and grave consequences. its a word full of negative energy and carries a meaning of extreme dislike and unwanted in any given condition the word is applied. from my own point of view, its very hard to get me to actually hate something. this is most probably due to me understanding the reasons why i hate something, or why i dislike something. for example, i don't like eggplant because of the texture of the eggplant once it is cook. i respect people that love and adore them, but i still don't like them. i have no reason to hate an eggplant, because it is bad for me right?

"A precious liquid, a poison dearer than that of the Borgias - because it is made from our blood, our health, our sleep, and two-thirds of our love - we must be stingy with it." ~Charles Baudelaire, "Advice to Young Writers," 1867

recently, for some reason, a single hate thought keep creeping into my mind. a thought that is very disturbing for me, for some reason keeps repeating itself again and again, and every time it happens, it grows. given the fact that i am actually aware of this hatred thoughts, i find it very disturbing to myself and will most probably be to many others as well if i share this with them. but as i were about to try to understand the problem, it just seems to get worst. i cannot pin point a reason for the thought to come through. it is just something that actually happened, that i assumed it happened with a reason but i do not know, which makes me very hateful to it.

"We hate some persons because we do not know them; and will not know them because we hate them." ~Charles Caleb Colton

it horrible to actually have that thought (thank god its not everyday and every minute) but, the point is, i cannot figure out the reason of it! its almost driving me crazy. what actually keeps me in line now is basically me being aware that it is a thought, and i am able to control it (if u have a better word) and slowly push it away. but, i guess, it is just like swiping the dust under a carpet and hope it will magically disappear. its actually tiring figuring out the reasons for this disturbing thought, and at the end of the day, i gain nothing from it. but it creeps into the wandering mind, like a weeds growing in an unattended garden, sucking up all the nutrient and manifesting throught the garden patch, killing all the beautiful flowers.

"Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat". ~Henry Emerson Fosdick

as for now, i guess i will have to keep looking for the reason for it.

"I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him." ~Booker T. Washington

the walking orange~

i cannot admit, life is getting great recently. projects by projects piling up which all im looking forward to. volunteer to the special olympics, a concert to organize, and, a trip to the rural to have podiatry experience! and one camp to organize as well depending on my commitments nearer to the time. Yet i feel relax and not too much on my plate.

1 quarter of 2010 has already gone by in a blink of an eye.

january:

january was a pretty hectic and tiring. good news did come through this month. moving into a new house was the grand opening of 2010. we took about 1 week to pack, move and unpack our whole house. a pretty good achievement i would say. like most people, we throw lots away, and bought new stuff for the house. the new house, is a double story town house with, rooms on 1st floor and the rest down. best part of it, the new house now actually has a living room, dining and a kitchen! feels homey now compared to the last. we have make effort to keep the house in a clean and un-messy condition, and up to today, i say we are doing a good job! apart from the house, i was tearing my hair out studying for my pharmacology exams. it wasn't something i would want to repeat. pretty sad times. good news, i officially comfirm my dates on going home! just to penang thou, its pretty sad that i can't get back to my home 'home' in sabah. but, at lease i know im going home

febuary.

febuary begun with a full blast of studying, being home alone, and more studying. it was fun times when i was alone. right after my paper, i flew home to penang. it was fun times being able to meet up with my cousins on the island. i was suprise how much he grew, no more head butting or biting anymore.. *sigh* miss those times.. =P (sorry Am T, but u really did =P). manage to catch up with granpa n grandma, and all other uncles and aunties, met a new cousin from the states, number of visit to the hospitals, numbers of food hunting trips, plates of hawker food, car rides and some quick shopping. and a plane flight back to adelaide. i alway enjoy traveling alone and had great time spending waiting at the airport. i must mention, i had the most expensive jawa mee and teh tarik in my whole life... RM21.50 for both of that thing =.= oh well. appart from that, short trip to whyalla!!! its a good break especially when the break involve a cut from the world of technology and traffic and all the other city stuff. and back with classes and all

march

March flew by pretty quickly. Uni work picked up and i tried to get control of my life better. March is the month i guess where i decided to ground both of my feet down on to the ground with the mind to be a better person than last year. its working well i guess. i've spend less time going out spending money, and more time doing stuff i am suppose to do. march i guess is a month on lots of mental work compare to the 1st 2 months. lots of things going through the mind, while the body just work mechanically, wakes up, uni, work, etc etc.. but everything turns out well now i guess. all's good for the year ahead!! in fact march also marks the date that grandma is away for 1 year already.. 1 year do really float by quickly..

looking forward to what the next 3 quarters is going to bring me now =)

podiatry, 50% in the making

its suprising to know that i had made it half way into my podiatry course. as i was blogging in a friend's share space page, i might as well, update here as well about what i have learn in 2 years of my podiatry education apart from all the cold hard facts and figures and structures and all about the feet.

like most of us out there, we rely on our feet to move around and sometimes we take our feet for granted until it hurts. I'm pretty sure people out there at a certain point of their life will encounter when their foot or feet hurts so much that they cant use them right? many people don't realise their feet actually tells a story of their life, like their work, health and well-being.

I'm in an allied health field as well. and although sometimes i always think that allied health people earn their money from the pain of others, but its an exciting and fulfilling field. there are always something new to be explore every day and every client (or patient) you see has a different story behind. in my field of podiatry, we basically not only treat the foot condition, but also figuring out whats the best way and advice for our client depending on their economy status as well as their welfare. for example, we wont recommend a 300AUD pair of shoes to someone that earns 1000AUD per month.

personally i love what im doing now. i know i always wanted to do something that could help people out there and podiatry is sure one of them. it isn't as grand as becoming a doctor or as noble as becoming a nurse, or earn as much as becoming a physiotherapist, but, in this job, the return of your clients becoming free from pain and be able to help people to get back on their feet (literally) is always a good thing to see. the bad side, you will be serving the feet of other people for the next 30 years or so (unless you change jobs of course).

sometimes it kinda goes to the extreme when u notice yourself noticing way people walk and each and lumps and bumps on your own feet with all crazy conditions running through your mind. but at the end of the day, you can always tell yourself you have a more healthy feet than many people out there =)

salt or sugar?

there is a huge difference between salt and sugar..

as after working for such a long time in the kitchen.. you should have known better..

but, what you have done.. was a disaster..

biggest mistake ever and one of the biggest no-no in the kitchen..

sigh~~~~~~~

how could you... how could you have done it??

=(

airport.

im always amaze what airports can offer. a humble little hut with a flat land behind to a sophisticated long run way with colorful lights all around and advance architecture design buildings all serve a same purpose. many many years ago, when i was a little guy with the height of 3 feet(yes.. many many years ago) airport is where i watch planes land and take off. my brother and i will keep watch at the observation area where we would look out for planes to land (which usually dad is on board) and watch it land safely down. i too had a chance to fly every year back to my hometown.

short description on airports that time, the airport at that time is basically a roof held up by 4 walls. its open aired, no air conditioning, and ticket counters are much more taller than i was and i never had a chance to see whats happening behind the counter (i was short that time). trolleys were huge, with sharp corners and i can sit on it with someone else pushing behind. securities are lacking and simple. weight limits are practically non existing and no one rush to stand at the gate to get good seats in the plane. Oh, and we have to walk up stairs to the plane and have to carry umbrella on our own when its raining. there are no such thing as budget airlines and zero dollars air fare. there is only one gate to go to.

today, airports are a building almost like a country by itself. its more than a simple building. airports now are mostly providing free internet access, fully air conditioned, trolleys are much more lighter and cleaner, high level securities with armed police and dogs patrolling all over enforcing their own set of airport rules. limitations to what we can bring up the plane and whats not. more diverse types of people, and god knows, how many criminals, smugglers are under that roof. budget airlines are appearing out of no where and more and more people can fly. technology allows us to walk straight to the door of the plane. and people spend more time on their phones, ipods, music players or laptop compare to talking their family members.

but something is still the same between the old and the new airport. airport is a place where people will leave and return. whether is a business trip or just for their holidays, people will come and go. some might be their 1st time traveling alone, to a place unknown to them, while others will be excited about their long planned trip. no matter then time or the advancement of technology, human emotions in airports are still the same. at the departure hall, parents will repeat their advice to their kids to be careful and call home over and over again, while friends will give each other their final good byes with hugs and jokes. deep inside, feelings of sadness will not be excluded. in the arrival hall, the excitement in awaiting and the voices of taxi drivers, and mobile phone calls telling the whole world they have return brings a tiny atmosphere of celebration.

traveling alone this time back from adelaide and to adelaide, eating the most expensive 'jawa mee' dinner and teh tarik (RM 21!!) loitering around the airport terminal finding anything interesting, and talking to one of the few hundred thousand people in the terminal, finding a spot that is safe to sit without being worried of being mug, or being approached by dodgy people, or involve in so crap stuff (wasn't easy to look for the spot!!!) and making sure i was at my gate before the plane takes off isn't one of the best things that happen in the airport. i guess i understand why some people are sadden by the fact that they have to travel alone in long distance. some company during those times actually make 7 hours at the airport better.

what i hate the most today at the airports is that there are actually people 'living things' that are 'smart' enough to take advantage of other people to preform their evil acts. i miss the times where i could travel safely and worry free, only thinking about the people that i would miss when i board the plane, what i will do for the days to come, and planing how to spend the few hours enclosed in the cabin of the plane. today, we have to think about, pickpockets, opportunity-criminals, bad law enforcer officers, lost luggage, terrorist blowing up planes or any stupid idiot that tries to prevent us from reaching our destination. you never know what will the guy sitting next to you will do, and even if he tells you that he's a business man, how true is that u never know. i guess im a paranoid now. but thank god, im all alive and nothing exciting happen throughout the flight.

airports shouldn't be this way. for me, an airport should be welcoming, and peaceful, for the people that are leaving their country to bring a good impression and for those to arrive to feel welcome. nevertheless, many of this are uncontrolled and unpreventable. i guess i should be thankful that nothing happens to me this time and the many times to come.

looking forward to the next trip back home, traveling home alone or with someone doesn't really matter to me anymore. from now i guess i could start planing so i could have time to get home sooner =) i would be looking forward to what could an airport bring in the future.