thoughts

"holding onto anger is like grasping hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else: you are the one who gets burn" -buddha-

i need to get this out somewhere. seriously do.

i personally am never a person that use this 4 letter word h-a-t-e. i never like my friends use it either. i find this word is a word that carries great power and grave consequences. its a word full of negative energy and carries a meaning of extreme dislike and unwanted in any given condition the word is applied. from my own point of view, its very hard to get me to actually hate something. this is most probably due to me understanding the reasons why i hate something, or why i dislike something. for example, i don't like eggplant because of the texture of the eggplant once it is cook. i respect people that love and adore them, but i still don't like them. i have no reason to hate an eggplant, because it is bad for me right?

"A precious liquid, a poison dearer than that of the Borgias - because it is made from our blood, our health, our sleep, and two-thirds of our love - we must be stingy with it." ~Charles Baudelaire, "Advice to Young Writers," 1867

recently, for some reason, a single hate thought keep creeping into my mind. a thought that is very disturbing for me, for some reason keeps repeating itself again and again, and every time it happens, it grows. given the fact that i am actually aware of this hatred thoughts, i find it very disturbing to myself and will most probably be to many others as well if i share this with them. but as i were about to try to understand the problem, it just seems to get worst. i cannot pin point a reason for the thought to come through. it is just something that actually happened, that i assumed it happened with a reason but i do not know, which makes me very hateful to it.

"We hate some persons because we do not know them; and will not know them because we hate them." ~Charles Caleb Colton

it horrible to actually have that thought (thank god its not everyday and every minute) but, the point is, i cannot figure out the reason of it! its almost driving me crazy. what actually keeps me in line now is basically me being aware that it is a thought, and i am able to control it (if u have a better word) and slowly push it away. but, i guess, it is just like swiping the dust under a carpet and hope it will magically disappear. its actually tiring figuring out the reasons for this disturbing thought, and at the end of the day, i gain nothing from it. but it creeps into the wandering mind, like a weeds growing in an unattended garden, sucking up all the nutrient and manifesting throught the garden patch, killing all the beautiful flowers.

"Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat". ~Henry Emerson Fosdick

as for now, i guess i will have to keep looking for the reason for it.

"I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him." ~Booker T. Washington