thoughts

"holding onto anger is like grasping hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else: you are the one who gets burn" -buddha-

i need to get this out somewhere. seriously do.

i personally am never a person that use this 4 letter word h-a-t-e. i never like my friends use it either. i find this word is a word that carries great power and grave consequences. its a word full of negative energy and carries a meaning of extreme dislike and unwanted in any given condition the word is applied. from my own point of view, its very hard to get me to actually hate something. this is most probably due to me understanding the reasons why i hate something, or why i dislike something. for example, i don't like eggplant because of the texture of the eggplant once it is cook. i respect people that love and adore them, but i still don't like them. i have no reason to hate an eggplant, because it is bad for me right?

"A precious liquid, a poison dearer than that of the Borgias - because it is made from our blood, our health, our sleep, and two-thirds of our love - we must be stingy with it." ~Charles Baudelaire, "Advice to Young Writers," 1867

recently, for some reason, a single hate thought keep creeping into my mind. a thought that is very disturbing for me, for some reason keeps repeating itself again and again, and every time it happens, it grows. given the fact that i am actually aware of this hatred thoughts, i find it very disturbing to myself and will most probably be to many others as well if i share this with them. but as i were about to try to understand the problem, it just seems to get worst. i cannot pin point a reason for the thought to come through. it is just something that actually happened, that i assumed it happened with a reason but i do not know, which makes me very hateful to it.

"We hate some persons because we do not know them; and will not know them because we hate them." ~Charles Caleb Colton

it horrible to actually have that thought (thank god its not everyday and every minute) but, the point is, i cannot figure out the reason of it! its almost driving me crazy. what actually keeps me in line now is basically me being aware that it is a thought, and i am able to control it (if u have a better word) and slowly push it away. but, i guess, it is just like swiping the dust under a carpet and hope it will magically disappear. its actually tiring figuring out the reasons for this disturbing thought, and at the end of the day, i gain nothing from it. but it creeps into the wandering mind, like a weeds growing in an unattended garden, sucking up all the nutrient and manifesting throught the garden patch, killing all the beautiful flowers.

"Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat". ~Henry Emerson Fosdick

as for now, i guess i will have to keep looking for the reason for it.

"I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him." ~Booker T. Washington

the walking orange~

i cannot admit, life is getting great recently. projects by projects piling up which all im looking forward to. volunteer to the special olympics, a concert to organize, and, a trip to the rural to have podiatry experience! and one camp to organize as well depending on my commitments nearer to the time. Yet i feel relax and not too much on my plate.

1 quarter of 2010 has already gone by in a blink of an eye.

january:

january was a pretty hectic and tiring. good news did come through this month. moving into a new house was the grand opening of 2010. we took about 1 week to pack, move and unpack our whole house. a pretty good achievement i would say. like most people, we throw lots away, and bought new stuff for the house. the new house, is a double story town house with, rooms on 1st floor and the rest down. best part of it, the new house now actually has a living room, dining and a kitchen! feels homey now compared to the last. we have make effort to keep the house in a clean and un-messy condition, and up to today, i say we are doing a good job! apart from the house, i was tearing my hair out studying for my pharmacology exams. it wasn't something i would want to repeat. pretty sad times. good news, i officially comfirm my dates on going home! just to penang thou, its pretty sad that i can't get back to my home 'home' in sabah. but, at lease i know im going home

febuary.

febuary begun with a full blast of studying, being home alone, and more studying. it was fun times when i was alone. right after my paper, i flew home to penang. it was fun times being able to meet up with my cousins on the island. i was suprise how much he grew, no more head butting or biting anymore.. *sigh* miss those times.. =P (sorry Am T, but u really did =P). manage to catch up with granpa n grandma, and all other uncles and aunties, met a new cousin from the states, number of visit to the hospitals, numbers of food hunting trips, plates of hawker food, car rides and some quick shopping. and a plane flight back to adelaide. i alway enjoy traveling alone and had great time spending waiting at the airport. i must mention, i had the most expensive jawa mee and teh tarik in my whole life... RM21.50 for both of that thing =.= oh well. appart from that, short trip to whyalla!!! its a good break especially when the break involve a cut from the world of technology and traffic and all the other city stuff. and back with classes and all

march

March flew by pretty quickly. Uni work picked up and i tried to get control of my life better. March is the month i guess where i decided to ground both of my feet down on to the ground with the mind to be a better person than last year. its working well i guess. i've spend less time going out spending money, and more time doing stuff i am suppose to do. march i guess is a month on lots of mental work compare to the 1st 2 months. lots of things going through the mind, while the body just work mechanically, wakes up, uni, work, etc etc.. but everything turns out well now i guess. all's good for the year ahead!! in fact march also marks the date that grandma is away for 1 year already.. 1 year do really float by quickly..

looking forward to what the next 3 quarters is going to bring me now =)