cardiomegaly~ (help)

i think i have cardiomegaly. to those non familiar with medical terms.. 'cardio' means heart.. and megaly means 'enlarge' [i think]. its a medical condition where the heart is enlarge or bigger than usual. now, dont worry yet... there is nothing wrong with my heart physically [yet]....

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when was the last time u drop your lose change to a donation tin after buying your coffee??
when was the last time u hold the bus door open till the last person hops off??
when was the last time u pick up something for some one??
when was the last time u HELP and unknown stranger for directions?
when was the last time you RECEIVE help??
when was the last time you OFFERED to help??

its been awhile i been helping people with their problems. helping from simple tiny stuff.. to kinda major stuff, all i been there. since a young age, moral values of 'helping others' somehow work its way into me which makes part of me now to help others. and recently i found out when ever some1 ask for help, the 1st think that comes across my mind will be, hmm.. how and what is the fastest way to help this person. the things that i can do? and also the 'maybe' situations that could happen. somehow i just got a feeling i put my whole self into helping the someone that ask for it. if u call me up at 4 in the morning and say you need help, or just want to talk or want some1 to listen, i'll gladly do it. no questions ask. of couese, i won't let those task interfere with my daily life, work n classes... but sometimes.. rules can be bend.. depending on situation rite??

"wenqi are you free on...... can you help out for the........."
"on the.............?? yea sure.. how can i help you?? "

i help people because people ask for help. and for people asking for help obviously they need it. Sooo... being train to get task done fast, and learning that things could only be done by using your heart, therefore, when people ask for help, i would quickly get it done with with the best i could. and not complain ( or maybe a little =P) about the hardship to get the task accomplished. putting everything i have, and my free time to get something done, is something i feel good. thou it might cause some trouble here n there, but I'm happy when i help some one out of their worries or problems.

"wenqi, i need your help, urgent!!"
"huh?? relax.. wats up??"

being a person with a 'helpful' heart is in a moral prospective is the optimal outcome. While i am walking around the city, people will approach me for a few dollars to catch a bus, a programed answer of 'i'm sorry, i don't have any' even with my pocket jingling with lose change will come out. after walking away, i always wonder, how will that person get home? should i turn back and give him some money? another situation will be buskers in the city. i must admit they can really entertain people, yet, a self programed action of walking away right after he finishes performing usually takes place. and sometimes, i feel bad for that.

"wenqi, could you please help me to get this in the city later??"
"yeah sure, i'm going down there later anyway.."

helping people isn't as easy as it sounds. small situations like fetching a book or buying lunch doesn't matter me much. yet, being helpful, or over helpful might be viewed as naive, easily being used and whats worse, stupid. yet, i felt that i use lots of help before which i think i deserve to return favours. thinking back, [not that i'm expecting any return here...] i've been helping so many people, that i feel kinda tired now. and i sometimes wonder, is it worth all the effort to do so?? or just pure of a waste of time (and sometimes money)?? being there for a friend, or even go donating blood, might not cost anything or mean anything to many others, but for your own self, the time and energy to perform these task, have anyone ever wondered?? does it mean anything to yourself??

"can you help me inform others about the.........??"
"yah.. consider it done."

There are no unit of measurement in helping someone. we cannot count, things like "i already 'perform' 2 big help and 1 small help today". yet when we agree to help, we should put out our best to finish the task and not hoping for any return. i might feel being use at times, or feel tired on the nights, and maybe even worry that i didn't help enough. maybe i am kind, or just pure naive. sometimes when you help others, people put you down, saying its stupid to do so, or other people will help them and not to trouble yourself. which is kind of true, i am not god or a powerful person where i could help everyone that come asking for it. its sad to turn people down. in fact, i don't like to turn people down but at times, there isn't much i can do.

"hey.. i need the phone number of ........... fast!! "
"ok ok.. give me a sec."

there is a limit to everything including the amout of things i could do in a day. at the end of the day, i really wonder, what made me the 'yes-man??" what made me do all that, what drove me to that level to help some one. isn't it easier to just say, 'oh i'm sorry, i'm pretty busy... i can't help you'. maybe i just give in too easily... or maybe its just me. back to the cardiomegaly, the enlarge 'helping' heart of mine sometimes give me doubts on everything i am doing now.

"thank you very much!!! thanks alot.. really thank you!!!"
"ok ok.. dont thank d...."