sad sad thing

i am blur i am blind
by the thoughts coming tru my mind
why can't life be easier like once be
and we can stay happy
like we use to be

i hate myself for being nice
why cant i me mean and fearce
like everyone else
is louder voice winner in the world
or the silent one will die unnotice
being nice is hard to be
people tend to step on me

i am sad, i am lost
in the world which is never nice
why, why i always ask?
no one can answer
no one can.

sepaking the truth is evil
speaking the truth is bad
all ears on false, the fake and the bad
the truth hurts thats the truth
but people seems love the bluff

i always think i always ponder
what the mess am in now
it makes me think it makes me wonder
how am i to safe myself now

sleepless nights lonely soul
what have i done
my mind say fine
enough is enough
the time has come to carry on

i need an ear
to hear me now
to share my feelings
and my lost thoughs too
but there is no one here
to be trusted
all said will be known
we use to say i trust you
but somehow it don't work
whose fault is it
whose wrong is that
mine you or someone else?

now i am down, asking
where is the people i need
still looking, still searching,
people here is not the one
i need you my friend
i need your ear
to get advice
and to share.

i got to go now..
where time is short
but like always
take care and good luck
in the things that you do
to the past, present and the future.

election board

3 week of school was a super not nice week.. got an verbal attack by some1 which i didn think might happen.. just a slip of tongue and the world come down... that time it really made me realise the badge i am wearing dont only weight about 500 grams... the responsibility that comes with this badge really weights more than i expected.. way more that enough to drain you out of your spirit mentally and physically and i learn it the hard way... jus a short sentence... just my point of view.. just that.. i got shouted at for like 15 minutes and that sounds like hell broke lose.. after that my mind was blank for rest the day.. and that person wanted me to give an public apology... i wasn't angry.. wasn't mad... wasn't hateful... jus the feeling of lost in this large world.. this time i really need some one to hear me out... i went home early that day and slept and thats the time my friend, jin yii call.. wow.. that was super nice of her.. hehe.. she call to share her prob with me.. and i grabe the chance to made her hear me out.. but not much effect but at least there is some1 i thrust now here right at the time.

thats where i made myself and tell my self to not trust any1 here anymore.. no more close friends... it hurts to think of it.. made me lose my concentration.. i hate to say it but some how its hard to be the person that make the decission. as a EB vice president, what i say will have a long term effect on the school and everyone. this is shown clearly that when we have to eliminate people, we are afraid we kick the wrong person out and keep the wrong person in.. this is when trouble rise..


last week end, (19-21 of jan) i joined a leadership camp as a sergant-at-arms. my job in camp was not easy i guess... i stay awake the whole day except for time to sleep jus in case anything wrong happen including workshops and the sharing moments by the old student councellors while others sleep.. i am the one running around for the members to be at a place at a certain time, i was the one to wake everyone up in the morning although i didn wan to wake up myself.. after thinking back.. i ask.. is there any1 that notice i did this all?? maybe there is maybe there isn't.. maybe this is what they call its ur job so u must do it and not complain so much. but i guess i enjoy making some new friends, talikng to new members, solving problems members face but most of all... learn new stuff and found some weakness in myself.

workshops made me learn that leaders are not easy. but like what i know.. no text book can tell u how to work. u just have to write the text book yourself. people tend to feel workshops are boring and so on... but it manage to grabe my attention away form my book as sometimes i feel that the things that they discuss in the workshops like the probles leaders face are so true but i cant solve it myself. but somehow the workshops cant give me an answer i wan. i guess i have to keep looking for them myself as i always do.

special people do appear at times people get together. you never know how kind of people or how evil the heart of another. but jus for the record, i have recive lots of kindness form the camp commettie and the participants.. i thought i will just walk in the camp and leave the camp un-notice like the foot prints on the beach being wash away by the waves... but i guess the real thing isn't like what i thought. i some how fine this phrase wonderful. Small act of kindness do make one happy. and this happiness really brighten 1 day. i hope i manage to do some kindness to people more than the kindness that i recive.

to the EB's that u see this site(which i wonder if there is any...) thanks for the experience and the wonderful caring of yours especially to the president, Chong Chi, vice president, Yi Sing, Adeline, Chua, Norman, Hasliza, Didi, Chee Hoe, Hui Ying, Norman, Jason, and the year 1's which i cant really remember ur names... thanks alot. u really enlighten my 2 day's and 2 nites there. i will not have know you so well if i didn join the election board. thanks for everything. and lets make this 1 more month more happening and keep the spirits alove!!!

Thanks for everything!!!

2007.. the new begining...

wow.. its been 1 while since i last blog here.. oh well.. didn have a chance to do it in sandakan.. back to Kk now.. enjoying the hetic life of a vice president of the election board commettie.. hehe.. nice to hear that blogger is available here.. hmm i wonder what did the taiwan earthquack did to the cables down there...

my holidays are wonderful n nice... thou some un-nice stuff happen.. which is quite sad in the sence but nuthing much i can do to help.. so hang in there cousin sis.. u will get use to it soon.. hehe.. other than that.. the best part.. food!!! i didn realise that penang food is so much cheaper than KK or sandakan. and of coz the taste is unbeatable.. hehe.. wonder when KK food will be like penang.. but half a year of Kk food wont make much difference also..

other than that.. spending time with my bro was enjoyable.. hehe going off to australia this 3-feb. leaving me n my parents behind... sniff sniff.. oh well... thats life.. going to miss him thou.. hehe..

this holz.. i even let out one of my largest worries to my two close frens.. thanks grace n tsen... u really help me clear up a lot... thou we only enjoy bout 90 minutes together.. but its still worth it.. i am proud to know u all.. hope things will get better soon.. really hope.. but i don't know weather i can make myself to do so... u know me..

now is the brand new year.. new stuff everywhere.. even the joey yap say's that the luck for the dragon will improve... and i really really hope it would!!! coz i really need it a lot!!! till then.. hope to visit this site soon..

p/s i did post up a pic today!! hehe..