mindfullness

'please be quiet and i am serious about this'

i crossed my legs, stacked my palms and closed my eyes, reducing the dim light of the room to a total darkness. concentrating on my breathing, in and out. the cold air did not do much good towards the situation. many of the other 20 people were thickly wrapped under their blankets, somehow, my thermoreceptors did not register the cold feeling. the sounds from the factories around the room are the only sounds heard through the silent night. during this time, i tried to reflect back on the pass 3 days i spend here.

'vedana hot to go
H-O-T-T-O-G-O
awhoop hot to go~'

for the past 3 days, it reminds me of the the past me. the me that use to reflect on my life. but sitting in the quiet room, i tried to think about the the things i have done but nothing came into my mind, as if there is a black hole, sucking up all the memories. i tried to go throughout the day from sunrise to sunset, but i just can't remember what had happen during those times, i can't remember what i saw, what i heard, or what i say. i just can't remember

a tap on my shoulder, breaks my thoughts, i got up and walked towards the door.

'walk along the corridor, and observe the wall, and remember to be mindful'

i took the paper lantern, and started my journey into the cold darkness. Questions arises from my thoughts, what am i expecting?? at the corner of the building, i turn.. and saw 4 pictures on the wall with 4 words on each. life, old age, sickness and death. 'hmmm, this is the cycle of life' i told myself, and move on. a row of candles guided me then to another place.....

'crawl through this tunnel, and remember, be mindful'

the light of the torch light i held, shined on something familiar.. 'hey this are the stuff i did for the pass 3 days' what r they doing here??' with my chest on the cold floor, i look around, some memories flow back into my mind.. i crawl along.. and looking at all the scenes.. the tunnel was short and there were too many pictures to be seen.. but i move on quickly..

'cover your eyes, and now you will be blindfold. don't worry, you will be guided along'

total darkness, i trusted my guide along the path of the unknown. a hand held tightly on my arm and another press against my back, being blinded is not fun. for all that you can do is trust your guide. being nervous due to the unknown stiffen my body. my guide sensed the nervousness, and said,
'don't worry, you are in good hands'. i trusted my guide for that's all i can do.

'hold the string and guide your way. try not to hurt yourself. i will now let go'

my guide that i trusted let go. i felt the pair of warm hands leave my body, leaving me alone. 'what are they trying to do??' my heart asked. experience told me, being alone and blinded is not a good thing in this situation. will they do something bad to me?? where does the string lead? how long it takes?? damn, too many questions. holding the string with my left hand, and feeling my way with my right, i crawled along the way. taking each step is hard. negative thought flows into my mind. what will i face in every step?? is there anything sharp?? or dangerous?? what if there is a step and i fall down? will there be anyone around? i pushed on. alone.

'alright. this is the end.. now please follow me'

a pair of hands held my arm and gently push me along in to the unknown. this time, i wasn't scared. for that i know i was not alone anymore. the feeling of being help when you are alone is beyond words. a pair of warm hands touch mine, and said 'oh dear, why are your hands so cold??'. i wanted to answer but the warm feeling just keep me from saying anything. i was then guided to another place, a place i am more familiar with.

'through out the process, do you want to share with us what you feel??'

still being blindfold, a soft voice asked us about this question. my mind reflected back on the previous seconds, maybe minutes, i can't find the answer. i can't tell what i am feeling. i have no answer. but after the whole event, i thought back. the waiting, the tunnel, the journey i made alone, and at the end, the feeling of warm from being touched by warm hands. its journey of life. the times of being alone and being helped by someone when you least expect. i tried to search for the correct words to answer the following questions, but words fail to express clearly what i am feeling at those moments.

being mindful to our surrounding, towards what we eat, see and do. i realise by doing so, we could see taste and feel more than we use to. eliminating the sense of sight really taught me to be mindful on things around us. being mindful doesn't only means be aware of ones surrounding. be mindful also means one must remember that there are many more things that happen without us noticing or knowing. as we breath, someone else will die, as the person dies, others will be born, as one is born, mayb some will be sick. if only one can always be mindful on what is happening, and spend a few minutes of the day, thinking about what is happening around them.

'now you can remove your blindfold'

removing the blindfold and seeing familiar faces around. i am in a familiar place. a place that i spend my last 3 days there. i know its over. with the event over, i bring with me, a new experience.